Getting Old

I just got back from a weekend visit to my grandparents in Maryland. It wasn't fun. My grandfather has Parkinson's and is now a permanent resident of a nursing home. He really has no idea of what is going on. You can't tell if an answer you get from him just happens to be the right one, or if he understands. He has good days and bad days. It sucks to see him like this. At least he is safe, but the process of him going down hill is unbelievably hard to see.

My grandmother just got out of the hospital on Friday after being there for a month. She had to go to rehab (the same place my grandfather is) because she was so weak she could hardly walk 20 feet. She was upset about going, saying the people there would wonder what was wrong with her and she was embarrassed to have to go back. Somehow I convinced her it was what she needed to do so she could eventually go home.

So I spent my whole weekend in a hospital or nursing home. It was completely depressing and not a good advertisement for what is to come. At times the things my grandmother said to me made my heart break. "I never wanted to be alone", "I'm tired of doing this", "I don't want to be a burden", "I missed out on so much of your and Kyle's life"... and the list goes on. At no point could I tell her it was her fault she ended up like this as we tried many times to get them to move to Ohio but she didn't want to leave her family and friends, most of whom are now dead. I wish there could have been something more I could have done earlier to convince them to make different decisions so the situation now would not be as bad as it is. Going to visit is hard and unpleasant, something I never thought would happen when I referred to my grandparents.

Getting old looks like it sucks. You also do not realize the burden and stress you put on those around you. More and more I realize my step mom is right in that you need to plan to take care of yourself when you are old so you don't have to deal with what my mom has had to. Whoever came up with the body not going with the mind and money at the same time wasn't really thinking.... Trust me I just got a good picture of old age this weekend and it's not pretty.